For two and a half years, I’ve been going through a journey of sorts.
When I started this journey, I was caught in a very thick web of lies spun by an industry we all trust and love.
The diet industry. No, I’m not talking about the weird, unsustainable diets, I’m talking about the mainstream way of thinking.
I’m lumping the mindsets of doctors who assume all physical problems are caused by weight gain, who think all people with size are unhealthy, who consistently weigh their patients as a means of “measuring” health, and shaming said patients (yes, I’ve been that patient).
I’m talking about the ads you see on television and on the streets, social media, websites and magazines that perpetuate our culture’s idea of erratic, unattainable beauty. The causes of so many eating disorders, the reason girls are completely unsatisfied with who they are, why young men are on unhealthy diet regimens for the sake of “strength”..etc.
I have been breaking up with Diet Culture for a while, and the farther I go into this thing, the deeper I see it is.
Back to my own personal journey…
I stopped all exercise because I used it as a tool to “correct” my body. I tried to change things about me that were wrong, and I used the gun of exercise with bullets of hatred.
Enough. I’d had enough. So I haven’t exercised in over 2.5 year.
Until today.
If I was going to start movement, which I’ve been contemplating for over three months, it needed to be gentle, no diet talk, no body shaming, no telling me I’d be ready for a beach in no time…Just. No. And dern it all, if I want to go to the beach looking like I look, that’s none of their business.
So I bought a relatively cheap program that touted strengthening my core, and that’s all I want. I have back issues, and to strengthen my core would mean those issues can be brought down to a minimum.
This morning, it began.
As I listened, I hadn’t heard these techniques before, and it felt…strange.
Let me say something here first before we move on: On a couple occasions prior to today, I have done stretching exercises to strengthen an injury I’m sustaining after, ironically, exercising too hard. The mindset I took with these couple minutes of movement was self-care. Not hatred. I actually LOVED the feeling of talking to myself with care, encouragement and gentleness.
But that was simple stretching, not really “exercising” right???? (yeah, I know, I’m learning all movement is amazing for us). Don’t be judgy 😀
The exercise today was…I’m not completely sure yet. It was…again, strange.
I tried to listen to what they were telling me do, and tried several times to do it. Then the light bulb went on and I understood after a few tries. Which was great!
It seemed as if I had to listen so closely to them that I couldn’t really listen to what my own body was saying. To put this in context, listening to my body used to feel strange, so in truth, for the opposite to be true, if NOT listening feels strange, that’s REALLY a great mark of how far I’ve come in my Intuitive Eating journey!
As for the videos I’ve chosen, there is no negative diet talk, no self-hatred going on, no “change change change your body!” or “push it, push it!” crap. This is a positive mark for the system I’ve chosen.
All in all, the experience was nice because I wasn’t sore or shaky afterward. A good stretch as if I were waking up in the morning took care of the muscles they asked me to work, and that stretch felt really amazing!
I stood and stretched the muscles and joints that have been tight for a long time, which was an added benefit to having my blood moving. That felt great too.
I just…I think when I can get a few of the kinks worked out with the motions and how to do the exercises is clearer, and I can listen again to what my body is saying, then it will be a lot better.
My worry however is that I will fall back into my old self-hatred mindset…seriously, after feeling freedom, that mindset is really, truly scary.
That being said, I’m not going to let that fear consume me, but I AM going to evaluate more tonight and see where this leads over the next few days.
Here’s to movement!
If you’d like more info on what this journey entails, please don’t hesitate to message! No diets, ha! No really. None. Like…anti-diet and diet culture.
Peace and love, my homies.
Walk by faith, love people and you, think creative thoughts
Faith Love Creative 